Let’s talk about TRIGGERS. We all have them. They may be small or lethal enough to paralyze us and hinder the growth we’ve made.

I recently had to take a moment and acknowledge one of my most debilitating triggers  – – – the perception of not being valued. That feeling that someone has taken advantage of my kind nature and disregarded or devalued my presence or contribution.

I have to be honest, I try very hard to dismiss this when it starts proliferating like a leaky faucet in my mind; mainly because it’s often irrational or due to a misunderstanding. But that constant drip, drip, drip of doubt and unchecked expectations can quickly accumulate. Before you know it there’s a puddle under the sink, then water damage to the floor boards.

The idea of still being “controlled” by this particular trigger – whether brought on by a person, thought, or circumstance – that I have considered dead and buried is simultaneously infuriating and disappointing. After all, I’ve done the work. I’ve faced the demons. I’ve slain the dragon. Most importantly, I’ve moved on!

Why did a simple slight transport me backward in time to that lonely, dark space? In an instant clarity turned to fog, and self-doubt crept up my spine as a chilling reminder that I still have so much work to do.

It makes me incredibly angry to face something I believed to have conquered. To retake a test I thought I passed. I replay the incident over and over in my mind, fueling the flame with more questions and conjecture until eventually I succumb to emotional exhaustion. Only in that moment am I able to return to rational, level-headed thinking. No longer blinded by my pain and disappointment I can truly assess the situation.

Answering these questions helps me determine how I will adjust my surroundings, habits, and mind-set to respond differently in the future.

Short-comings are not failures when you make the proper adjustments. After all, if you are living, you are learning. Today I get to try again and I’m grateful for the fresh start….after I mop up this mess.